Voulezvous coucher avec Hogwarts ce soir ce soir?
by The-dead-girl's-kiss
Summary: English. School Talent show Ginny, Hermione, Luna, Padma, Parvatti and Demelza decide to put on a real show by performing Lady Marmalade. Plot not just songfic!


It was coming up to Christmas and Dumbledore wanted to keep the spirit alive by holding a talent show. The rules where simple:

1. No more than 7 people should be involved

2. No copying other contestants.

3. No involvement from Fred & George Weasley or any

4. All entries must be registered by nov.31

5. No bribing the judges (Professers Snape, McGonagall , Flitwick, Sprout, Umbridge and the headmaster Dumbledore)

acts must be kept secret so not to spoil the surprise

The competition will be held on the 10th of December.

Good Luck!

Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Ginny Weasley, Pandma Patil and Parvatti Patil where all sat around a table in the three broomsticks drinking butterbeer. They all wanted to do the talent show but just couldn't think of anything.

"Okay I've got it!" Hermione exclaimed breaking the silence. With that she drew out her I-Phone and brought up a you tube, she searched Lady Marmalade and played the top video. All the girls gasped.

"We cant!" Pandma exclaimed

"We'll get expelled!" Parvatti agreed.

"You have to admit it though you'd love to see Draco's face!" Ginny giggled

"Or Snape's!" Padma added she was warming to the idea.

"I'll help but I'm not dancing or singing. Backstage only!" Parvatti demanded

"Fine, but we need one more person." Hermione reasoned

"We can ask my friend Demelza" Luna said in her floaty far off voice.

"Fine, great but I cant sing!" Ginny pouted

" Can you rap?" Hermione asked

"What's that?"

Hermione grinned this was going to be perfect

It was half an hour into the talent show and the audience and the judges looked thoroughly bored. They had endured contortionists, comedians, opera and muggle magic tricks. Umbridge was grinning, if there was anyone who could enjoy this kind of torture it was her.

"Next!" she squeaked.

Demelza walked out in front of the curtains. She was wearing smart black dress robes.

"Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Moulin Rouge!" she shouted and pulled the curtains away. The audience Gasped at the sight that met their eyes. In the middle of the stage was a load of steps. Ginny Weasley was on a red long lounge chair to the right of that. She was dressed in a gold corset, tiny gold pants, high heals, fishnet stockings and an excessive amount of gold jewellery. Music seamed to flow from nowhere.

"Where's all my souls sisters Let me hear ya'll flow sisters" She rapped. At that Padma, Luna and Hermione walk on the steps.

"Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister, Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister" They sing.

Padma walks to the front as the others disappear off she starts shaking what she's got whilst ducking low and doing highly seductive dancing. She had red feathers in her hair, a tight red lacy corset, blood red hot pants, black lace elbow high gloves and thigh high black skin tight boots.

"He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge Struttin' her stuff on the street She said, "Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go? Woah"

Hermione and Luna sing from off stage "Giuchie, giuchie, ya ya da da yeah-eyGiuchie, giuchie, ya ya here, here. Mocha Choca latta ya ya"

"Creole Lady Marmalade" Padma roars rolling her arse around slow and seductive before strutting up the steps to disappear.

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir ah, oh Voulez vous coucher avec moi Yeah yeah yeah yeah" they all song al though none of them are in sight. "Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister Hey sister, go sister soul sister flow sister" The next thing the audience know a massive bed decorated in expensive materials is on the other side of the stage to Ginny's chair. And on the bed is luna her long blonde hair curled with a small black top hat perched on it she is wearing a see-through black jacket underneath the jacket she has sparkly silver bra and pants with suspender socks coming of it.

"He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up, Boy drank all that Magnolia wineOn her black satin sheets Is where he started to freak, yeah" She sang in a soft voice that was oddly harsh. The others (excluding Hermione) walked down the steps she walked over to join them.

"Giuchie, giuchie, ya ya da da da da Giuchie, giuchie, ya ya here ooh ooh yah yahMocha Choca latta ya ya yaaaa" they sang

"Creole Lady Marmalade" Luna roared at the waiting audience

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir ce soir Voulez vous coucher avec moi Yeah yeah yeah uh" they all did.

Ginny stepped forward and rapped with expertise " We come through with the money and the garter belts. Let 'em know we got that cake Straight up the gate We independent women, some mistake us for whores I'm sayin' why spend mine when I can spend yours?Disagree? Well that's you and I'm sorry, I'm a keep playing these cats out like AtariHigh heeled shoes getting love from the dudes Four bad ass chicks from the Moulin sisters, soul sisters Better get that dough sistersWe drink wine with diamonds in the glass By the case the meaning of expensive tasteYou wanna gitchie, gitchie, ya ya come on. Mocha Choca latta what?Creole Lady Marmalade"

While she was up there she shook what god gave her. To her delight and slight disgust she saw that the majority of the males in the audience had a stalk including Draco and her own brother Ron. _That's from Luna_ she thought. But she was wrong it was from Padma his date to the Yule ball.

"One more time c'mon, Marmalade ooh, Lady Marmalade ooh yeahMarmalade ooh, hey hey hey" they all chorused except Hermione. Who had just made her entrance appearing in front of them. Her hair was thrice as big as normal! She had on a purple corset, almost non-existent black knickers, fishnet tights and a black lacy bustle. The girls began spraying her with an excessive amount of very strong perfume as she sang.

"Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth, hey. Colour of café au lait all rightMade the savage beast inside roar until he cried. More, more, more ,more, more ,more!" Her vocals where amazing the remainder of the audience who where not wet or hard now where, except Umbridge.

"Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5" Luna went

"Livin' the grey flannel life oh pity" Padma added "But when he turns off to sleep memories creep. More, more, more, more, more, more!"

"Giuchie, giuchie, ya ya da da da da ahah oh Giuchie, giuchie, ya ya here ooh Oh lord! Mocha Choca latta ya ya oh oh oohoh!Creole Lady Marmalade." they all sing and start dancing together provocatively"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir ce soir! Voulez vous coucher avec moi all my sisters yeh! Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir ce soir! Voulez vous coucher avec moi ooh!" they chorus some of the audience start to lose control. They walk down the steps as Demelza walks back on

"Hermione" She says and is met by a gracious applause Hermione steps forward and roars (to the audiences delight)

"oh yeah ooh!"

"Luna" Dezmelda says and is followed by equal applause Luna steps forward to join Hermione (who is now dancing again)

"Lady marmalade!" she sings

"Ginny"

"hey hey uh uh uh uh uh uh uh" she sings over the roar of aplase that has built up. She too walks over to join them.

"Padma" the final one joins the others

"oh oh ooooh" Padma sings whilst crooking her fingers in an invite to the audience. Who stand up roaring.

"Mount Wallaby Moulin Rouge ooh dadow dadow Misdemeaner here!" Dezmelda sings taking of the dress robe jacket to reveal a set of green lingerie. "Creole Lady Marmalade ooh yes!" They all sing as the curtains close.

They all hug each other and Parvatti rushes on the stage to join them.

"We did it!" She squels as she joins in the hug

"That you certainly did!" They turn to see Umbridge stood behind them her toad like face in a sour face.

"Girls my office" Dumbledore says softly. He walks out the curtain and they follow him through the crowd which cheers them as they walk past.

The girls had been waiting outside Dumbledore's office for around half an hour and where now freezing. When Dumbledore called them in. He motioned them to sit down while he read from a piece of paper

"Your punishment is as follows 50 house points off each, a month of detention which Severus has kindly agreed to take" One look at Snape told the girls that detention with him was hardly out of kindness he was going to make them suffer.

"You are banned from all future Hogwarts talent shows, and incidentally are disqualified from this one. You may go now to your first detention."

"In these clothes!" Ginny argued gesturing to the lingerie they where still wearing.

"You where the ones who choose to dress like that in the first place." He said softly yet dangerously.

They walked out of Dumbledore's office with Professor Snape.

"What are we going to be doing for our detention sir?" Luna asked

Snape grinned and whispered "I thought you might enjoy to tell me a bit more about lady marmalade."

**A/n well what do you think**

**Please review and let me know how to improve!**

**THANKS FOR READING!**


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